Be With You

Everybody each and all
We're gonna die eventually
It's no more or less our faults
Than it is our destiny
So now Lord I come to you
Asking only for Your grace
You know what I've put myself through
All those empty dreams I chased

And when my body lies in the ruins
Of the lies that nearly ruined me
Will You pick up the pieces
That were pure and true
And breathe Your life into them
And set them free?

And when You start this world over
Again from scratch
Will You make me anew
Out of the stuff that lasts?
Stuff that's purer than gold is
And clearer than glass could ever be
Can I be with You?
Can I be with You?

And everybody all and each
From the day that we are born
We have to learn to walk beneath
Those mercies by which we're drawn
And now we wrestle in the dark
With these angels that we can't see
We will move on although with scars
Oh Lord, move inside of me

And when my body lies in the ruins
Of the lies that nearly runied me
Will You pick up the pieces
That were pure and true
And breathe Your life into them
And set them free?

And when You blast this cosmos
To kingdom come
When those jagged-edged mountains
I love are gone
When the sky is crossed with the tears
Of a thousand falling suns
As they crash into the sea
Can I be with you?
Can I be with you?

-Rich Mullins

Words

Good Evening Friends,
This evening I am dwelling on words. How the simplest words can cause immense distraction or raise up a king.  Words. Maybe even the same words can do both those things depending on the circumstances or tone of voice.   As you know, I have two small children.  It is my goal to raise my kids to be good humans. But an ever greater goal. Is to spare them from having as many negative inner voices instilled by me as possible.   I try so hard not to yell.  Or say things that should not be said to anyone, especially not small children when they have been naughty.  Why.  Why don't I chew some small changes ass when they have totally fallen apart after they ripped up my garden, or threw rocks at cars in the street?
1st) Because we serve a gracious and mighty God. Who corrects but does not tare down.    Our God put his children in exile aka my version of time out. But he never once as a whole distroyed them in any way shape or form.  
2nd) Because I grew up with inner voices.  Inner voices from parents or parent figures. These voices tell me I'm not strong enough. I'm not good enough. I'll never be enough. I'm a failure.  And much more.  You and I both know that those voices are so full of shit!   But I did not always know that. And it has taken me 25 years and Christ dying on a cross for me to realize that those voices are wrong. I am enough in every way shape and form, and I am worth it. And no one here but the devil has failed. 
3rd). I want the best for my children. And sometimes that means holding my tounge in my worst anger.  I want them to grow up healthy. Physically, Mentally Emotionally and Spiritually.   Most of that I have control over at this point in their little lives.  
Lastly I will admit I'm human and I catch myself yelling every once a while. I have said things I regret. And have asked for much forgiveness from a 5 and 4 year old.  No one is perfect. However next time your emotions rise in the heat of the moment. Remember this:

One Morning She Woke Up Differant

One morning she woke up different:
Done with trying to figure out who was with her, against her, or walking down the middle because they didn't have the guts to pick a side.  She was done with anything that did not bring her peace. She realized that opinions were dime a dozen, validation was for parking and loyalty wasn't a word but a life style. It was the day that her life changed. And not because of a man or a job, but because she realized that life is way to short to leave the key to your own happiness in someone else's pocket.

I'm Back

Hey Everyone! 

I know I have been absent this busy year, but now that school started I'm am back!! 
Just a few things to catch you all up on.  This year I: Ran a marathon, joined our local rescue squad, started EMT School, Bought a house, Made some amazing friends, went back to working full time as a CNA MA. Got a new Dog(his name is Turbo).  Turned my garage into a personal Gym and many other things.  The kids started school full time this year.  Daniel has been fishing a kayaking the summer away.  We have been nothing short of Busy!

Danny learned how to ride his bike with no training wheels (and he is only 4!!!)  I can't tell you how amazing our year has been.  Hard at times, but amazing regardless.  So..... Please stay tuned for many more posts coming up in the near future! 
XOXO
Trina

Updates

     Hey guys, it has only been like an age since I've been on here, I have literally been internet starved!  but centurylink is up and running today, so here I am.  so many changes in the last 4 month, so many more in the next few.  life has drug its feet, but looking back it has flown. Last weekend we moved into our house.  this new place we call home.  Not its not super fancy, but it is the nicest place I have ever lived.  I'm so thankful for gods leading and provision in getting us here.  Yesterday I gave a 2 weeks notice to my CNA full time job, and I'm so excited to start working For a very good friend much closer to our new home.  Last month I signed up for a marathon which I have been trying so very hard to train for but this moth has been full of sickness for me(one flue after another) and I'm hoping as far as health and fitness goes, February will be the month!!  I have till May 7th.  if anyone want to go down to Lincoln that morning, and cheer me on, feel free! ;)  This will be something big for me, and honestly I'm a little worried, no that I cant do it, but just how much pain its going to take to do it....but then I think, if I can be in labor for 38 hours, and then push a baby out with no drugs...running for a few hours is a piece of cake:-)  well t least I tell my self that.   After the marathon, it will be back to basic weight training, spending time with the kids and hubs, landscaping, and doing what families do.  I will cross that off my bucket list and probably never do it again.  I have found that weight lifting is more my jam.  I love watching my muscles grow and become stronger, and I love the slower pace.  

     The kiddos are growing and growing.  Danny started preschool last month, and has been loving it.  ITs nice for him to go and learn some things, while I am working and don't have time to teach him.  He loves his teacher!  and so do I!

   Nena is talking up a storm and is 98% potty trained!  I'm so proud of her for that.  she also is like in LOVE with ELSA ANNA from frozen.  this last weekend I picked up some Elsa and Anna Dolls from good will for her and she has hardly put them down.  Makes me smile!! 

 Well that is the update!  
XOXO
Trina

How I went from being an unfit stay at home Mom to a Fit working Mom in one year

     Hey Guys!  So I Promised I would write about my journey, where it has taken me, and where it is taking me.  You guys if some one told me a year ago, I would have abs, and run a half marathon and have a full time job in one year, I would have called them crazy. But first let me fill you in on some back round.  If you don't know me well, you don't know my life has changed in so many ways in the last year.  One Year ago, I was feeding my stomach yeast chocolate a WINE...TONS OF WINE, every day.  literally I was depressed, and tired, and very un fit, and literally craved for bed time, just so I could down a 2-3 glasses of wine, to feel better.  To forget that my hubs was away working, and that I had to single mom it by myself for another day, or week, or 3 weeks.  I had no time for fitness, no I walked but that's it.  I had no time for a job, and the thought of "letting someone else raise my babies" terrified me.  Like crippling terror.  Which is part of why I did it on my own, because I was afraid I was failing by asking for help. 
     However I have learned a lot about myself, and the meaning of family in the last year.  you would think that I watched Lilo and Stitch enough times to get the family thing figured out.  But no.  I was never ok with leaving any one behind, but myself.  I was ok to try to pioneer it on my own because I was afraid to ask, or even think about getting help.  I was dying inside. I was turning into a stressed out coffee and wine addicted MONSTER!  Seriously.  So when 2016 came around, I decided to make a change.  I decided to let this Family be a family.  by family I mean MY in-laws, my sisters, mom, brothers and my dad, all of you!  if you are close to me, you are my family.  And I came to the realization that if I wont let any of you get left behind, I can start expecting little of that from you too.  We need each other. Grandma needs me to help her, and drive her places, and help financially, I need grandma to help me with my kids, and to help me fold my laundry, and to tell me I'm a good mom.  etc.
     Then there is the change I decided to make in myself.  I decided to let go, and let grow.  You guys,  I have never made a better decision in my life, then to really let go. Let go of my past.  All of it. My hurts, failures, loves, hates...just everything.  One cant move forward if they have not truly let go of their past.  I decided to let grow, spiritually, mentally and physically.  I started weightlifting and running.  I started seeking God, I started making conscious good decisions for myself and my family.  Like you know what, maybe its ok, to let your kids eat watermelon and popcorn for supper every now and then, and maybe its ok to live in a camper all summer, and you know what, its ok to have a little fun, to be a little silly, and to set a happier mood in life.  Maybe its ok to stop being so serious and start being more me. No comparing, no judging, just loving!
     The last year we have moved all over the place, mostly in a camper. recently we decided that it was a good idea to move back to our home town, and look for a house.   Me start working out side of the home. To put Danny in preschool.  these, people, are all things I would have been terrified at a year ago. However right now, I am super excited to start my new CNA job.  I am Excited (bitter sweet) for Danny to start preschool.  and you guys I'm very excited that we are getting some where on buying a house, that it seems doable, and that it is not quite so far off in the future.  How did I get here? One small step at a time, because folks, life is a journey. 
xoxo
Trina

                                                 finished my first half marathon today! 

New Changes

     Hey All,  I know its been like forever since I posted last.  I went thru a time of no internet.   ...Such a dark time...  But during that time God has directed and we have come up with ideas, and children have prompted...and we are back in our home town looking for a house, and me looking for a job.  You guys have no idea the feels that go with this transition.   I applied for Danny to go to preschool this week.  I walked all over town picking up job applications, and spent time on the phone with collages and banks. ( have not worked outside the home for a year and a half) I got a new gym membership and I moved in temporarily moved in with Grandma.  and My stress ulcer decided to take a much unwanted appearance. :(    So here we are being a modern family working had to achieve our goals while giving our kids the best life possible.  This is me always thankful for how God has provided.  And grateful for the best family and friends who had had nothing but positive feed back for our crazy antics, and sometimes outrageous ideas so far.

xoxo

Trina

PS I have a camper for sale too...just saying.. ((Camper for sale cheap)) :-)